we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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