I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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