somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
