i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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