you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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