I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
