Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
