It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
