never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
