I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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