We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
