We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
