Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
