This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
