I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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