I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
