if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
