If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
