My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
