I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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