I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
