so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
