She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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