Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He better not be in your backpack
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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