some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
