Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
