I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
