High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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