I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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