Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
