Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
