I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
