and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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