I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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