Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
