Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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