Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
