Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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