some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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