doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize