I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
