I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
