apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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