U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
