Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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