Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
