pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
