Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
