I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
