i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
