Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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