You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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