i'm lost and i look like a hooker
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
