You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
