So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
