Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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