so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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