What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
