Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
