Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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