just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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