my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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