I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
