worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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