I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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