I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
