Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
