three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
