it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
