Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
