When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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