I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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