My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
