so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
