I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
