Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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