she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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