The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
