i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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