I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
