Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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