if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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