Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
