Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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