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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
