the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
