we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
