I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
